Tour de France Stage 1 - Cav wins, we tweet

With the start of the Tour de France comes a new attempt at bungled coverage from the TLG team, as we live tweeted today's first stage, and will endeavour to do more, schedule allowing. Here's the best of what went on in the Twitterverse today, thanks to Andy, or as he's known there, @AndrewSteel88:

Come one, come all to the greatest bike race on Earth! No, not Road Rash on the Mega Drive (that's 2nd), the #TDF2016!

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

It was a hell of a game. I was worse at it than I am at riding an actual bike, though.

The missus is delighted the euros is nearly finished. Haven't found the heart to tell her the #tdf starts today.

— Paul Brown (@RealPaul8rown) July 2, 2016

#PrayForMrsBrown

We're big fans of Ned Boulting. @KevsXe even tried stalking him. But #TDF2016 feels weird without Phil Liggett telling us about some church.

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

Ok, disclaimer. I didn't stalk Ned Boulting. I saw him doing a piece to camera at the stage of the Tour I went to last summer and hailed him over for a photo by waving his book at him. Totally innocent, it's not like I have a shrine of him and David Copperfield in my spare room.

Speaking of Alan Partridge:

Gap has evened out at 2'42" as the race settles into its rhythm. Not my words, Michael, the words of David Millar. pic.twitter.com/r5qFLR7B1Q

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

Get used to references to Norwich's finest over the next three weeks.

As the race settles down a bit, it gives me a bit of time to make some predictions that are even worse than Kev's:

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

"As the race settles down a bit", he says. Immediately after:

CRASH! Contador goes down, bringing down a BMC and Sky rider. The Spaniard sporting some tasty cuts and bruises and has fallen off the back.

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

Sorry Alberto. Curse of the Twitter commentator, strike 1.

Someone's mowed a massive yellow jersey into the grass on a roundabout. Not as good as the choreographed tractors, if I'm honest.

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

Sadly, we have no image of that. If you do, please send it on, because, while not as good as tractors, it beats the spray painted flotsam they put around Yorkshire in 2014.

Just under 50km to go, the gap just under the minute mark as @itvcycling go to a break and implant their #TdF theme in my head for the day.

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

Wahwah wawa wah wah, wahwah wawa wah wah...

Meanwhile, I'm still coming to terms with Orica GreenEdge no longer being Orica GreenEdge and wearing blue. Awkward sods.

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

In case you missed it, Orica GreenEDGE are now Orica Bike Exchange, and have swapped their distinctive white, green and blue jerseys for blue with a small green stripe, making them damn near indistinguishable from Etixx Quick-Step and Fortuneo-Vital Concept. Awkward sods indeed.

Incidentally, 'Sagan & Cav' is a new Scandinavian detective series coming soon to BBC Four. #TDF2016 #tdf

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

Get it filmed.

Meanwhile, Wilko Kelderman has gone down. That's me jinxing him with my predictions. Sorry, Wilko. #tdf #TDF2016

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

Strike 2.

FLAMME ROUGE!!! #TDF2016 #tdf pic.twitter.com/hFF0nivpvs

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

Very, very proud of this one. But not as proud as of this next one:

CAV TAKES THE STAGE!

— The Laughing Group (@Laughing_Group) July 2, 2016

YES! Finally, Mark Cavendish takes the maillot jaune to complete the set of road racing jerseys, with a points and leaders jersey in each of the Grand Tours, along with the national champion's jersey and the world champion's jersey. He had to really earn the win, beating Peter Sagan and Marcel Kittel to take the first part of his three point plan for this season. Only Olympic gold and another world title left, then.

I'll be covering tomorrow's stage, so keep your eyes firmly focused on our Twitter (@Laughing_Group) and of course right here for coverage. Until then, we'll leave you with a celebratory tweet from the winning team.

#TDF2016 that's the stage victory 🏆
The #YellowJersey and the #GreenJersey for @MarkCavendish & @TeamDiData! pic.twitter.com/F0XAU9fZhZ

— Team Dimension Data (@TeamDiData) July 2, 2016

Stage results
1. Mark Cavendish (DDD) 4:14:05
2. Marcel Kittel (EQS) + :00
3. Peter Sagan (TNK) + :00

General Classification
1. Mark Cavendish (DDD) 4:13:55
2. Marcel Kittel (EQS) + :04
3. Peter Sagan (TNK) + :06
4. Andre Greipel (TGA) + :10
5. Edward Theuns (TFS) + :10